Looking back, I find it funny how naive and optimistic I was. Blame it on living a more or less sheltered and favored life but I truly believed that most people, if shown kindness would also show kindness in return. That the difference between a successful and unsuccessful person was just really a matter of getting the right break. That a nurturing environment would make people conform to a culture of giving and giving back. Was I in for a wake up call.
Ego and Objectification
In their line of work, masseurs are often objectified. That is the reality. Along with the intimate nature of their work and the societal taboos surrounding it, most have no pride in the work they do. That the massage itself is unimportant. That they can provide mediocre service and it would not matter in the end. All that is important is how they look to the client and how they measure up to the rest of the staff.
Such an environment inevitably hits a man where it hurts. His ego. Day in and day out, their egos are laid bare for everyone to see especially among their peers. This inevitably leads to a 'caste' system among them, the popular ones being the top dog and vice-versa. Their male potency regularly questioned. This just feeds more to the cycle and that cycle is really hard to break. Sexuality too is often questioned and reasserted.
Motivation
The number one reason why masseurs are in this line of work is because they are hard up. This is by no means a surprise. Asked what their main concern in life is, it would be about making ends meet. This problem makes them short sighted, indeed how does one plan for the future when you don't have food on the table, or your electricity has been cut. For most masseurs, it's about maximizing your earnings right now. There are two components in that sentence. First the 'maximizing your earnings' part in the easiest way possible. Second, the 'right now' part which means they can stand to be a little more concerned about making sure a client becomes a regular of his, rather than one-time-big-time kind of deal. Insert sob stories here.
*The masseurs are often surprised that I am often proven correct when I tell them that they have a better chance of a higher tip if they don't tell their sob stories or stop themselves from suggesting a huge tip and just give a great massage.
Work Ethics (or the lack thereof)
To earn a living, most people have to work at least 8 hours a day. The masseurs? Yes, they do have to stay at the workplace for 8 hours but the actual work? Two hours tops. Most of the time is spent lounging, watching TV or chatting with their co-workers in an airconditioned room. Easy. In fact, most of them tell me they prefer to go to work rather than stay at home where its hot, humid, noisy and no cable TV. Compare that to what they will earn working as an unskilled and uneducated blue collar worker. The choice is really a no-brainer if you have the *ahem* loins for it.
As you can imagine, a masseur can handle a very wide range of clients, but most would at least have a fair amount of disposable income. Varying degrees yes, but still have some disposable income. Here they are, trying to make ends meet and most of the clients they handle seem to be carefree. Of course this isn't true as they don't see the hard work that their clients put in to reach their success, but it does spoil their view of life doesn't it? That money does grow on trees for some people and that life should be easy. That hard work is overrated.
The job as a masseur actually spoils most of the guys for any other work. I have had several masseurs who tried to be a service crew at a fast food joint or a salesman at a department store only for them to come back after a month. There is even one in particular who was able to put himself through college, finish a management degree, get a job at a multi-national company and still considered coming back to work for me.
Getting unstuck (Changing Mindsets)
Most of these guys seem to be, for a lack of a better word, 'stuck'. Stuck in the daily problems of their lives. Stuck in the same cycles. Stuck in the same lifestyle. Just stuck. They seem to be impatient and wanting to accomplish a lot of things but don't have the patience to just work at it. They seem fearless yet at the same time they are afraid to shake things up. Most of them just really need to get unstuck.
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Of course this is a sweeping generalization and perhaps a shallow assessment of how most masseurs are. There are always exceptions to the rule, like the one that went on to finish college or the one that put up a small enterprise or the one that drives a cab around the city. These are the exceptions. Truly when a particular masseur becomes the exception it warms my heart. I jokingly tell my friends whenever they would look for a particular masseur who has moved on to other things and be the exception, that they have "graduated the Hilom finishing school". Really not a big stretch as part of the responsibility of an establishment is to teach the masseurs to better present themselves and handle clients. To successfully do those things they do have to overcome most, if not all, the factors that I stated above.
nice post about masseur's plight.. well everytime im in manila.. i always indulge myself with this kind of treatment. my fave is a cozy spa located along west avenue.. near kasi sa place ko.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time eh nag ku-kwento sila about their current situations.. poverty etc. And nakikita ko na napipilitan nga lang silang gawin yun.. maybe wala na talaga silang ibang choice kasi di naman sila tapos ng college. Really sad situation.. somtimes naiisip ko kung nakaka tulong ba ako sa kanila or lalo ko silang dina down? theres feeling of guilt. But to summarize it all.. they need to earn.. eat and survive!
i like your way of writing. introspective. straight to the point.
ReplyDelete@the story teller: to be honest, they do have a choice. Their bodies are strong and certainly there is a lot of minimum wage labor intensive jobs out there to be had. I've actually offered some of my guys a position elsewhere but ALL of them declined. I arranged for a couple of them to be trained professionally by DOH and could possibly land them better work in the future and they quit after half a day (with no one in the staff willing to give it a try instead of letting the opportunity go to waste. The course was already paid for). The reason? They arr doing just fine at work. What do they need the training for?
ReplyDeleteTrue. Most of them lead a hard life and they have their own sob stories to tell, but who doesn't? It's hard to help people who don't help themselves... it's also hard to help people who will only accept the kind of help that they want and ignore everything else. This is why it makes it so much more gratifying when you find those diamond in the rough that are able to make the cut.
@anonymous: thanks for reading and appreciate the
compliment!
nice post
ReplyDeletemuch as generalizations go, this sounds about right from my perspective. compare notes with glenn. lol.
ReplyDelete@kojie: Thanks for the compliment!
ReplyDelete@eon: Haha. Oo nga dapat nga mag-compare kami ng notes ni glenn. lol
The women (and men) who work in the legitimate spas and salons earn only from servicing customers. No customers, no income. Your manicurista makes zero if she does not service a single customer. She spent her entire day at the salon and may go home with nothing. And to make minimum wage, they have to service around eight customers. They'll need less if the tips are good.
ReplyDeleteWhen I hear of a masseur or macho dancer who wants to study in some school (a short course, vocational, computer, whatever) in order to make a better and more "normal" life, I used to get excited. Like you said, they usually go back to massaging. I think the reason is that they really want to get out of the business but they cannot study. Their minds have been out of school for so long, they're no longer capable of learning. And when they have to do homework, recite in class, study for an exam, and then take an exam, it's all overwhelming.
Maybe its lack of ambition, laziness, or just giving up hope that they will ever be better than what their parents are or were.
I like your perspective, i can give you a different one, I am a Canadian guy living here in the philippines, Having grown up with a good life, never wanting for anything my heart broke every time i heard a sob story. I have been here in Manila for 3 years, being a foreigner i think the massage guys automatically think white guy equals more money. I have been asked upwards of 5000 for extra service, 4000 3 times in Hilom. Luckily i know better and don't fall for it. but in the 3 years i have been here i did fall big time. within two weeks of being in the country i fell in love with a local masseur, moved him from his job into my house, supported him and his entire family for 3 years, sent him to school. He led a lavish life travelling, he was loved unconditionally. Given everything and every chance in this life. To make a long story short, i got tired of being used and abused (the more i gave the more was expected) He lied, cheated and went into rages when drunk. I had enough and ended it all. he is now back to giving massages for a living, all the chances he was given all the support, gone wasted, I don't think he ever appreciated what i did it's all about easy money.
ReplyDeleteI am smarter now and even though my heart strings get pulled now and then, I know where i sand with these guys and the dollar signs in their eyes. But you know what if a masseur wouldn't look at me as money only and not charge me a foreigner price i would likely tip big any way, and if they were genuine and true i would be a regular and their income from me would be considerably larger. They are all about the now!! the quick fix and the money. Sad but true
@ethan h: It really is a lack of ambition, laziness and the job seems to amplify that kind of qualities in a person.
ReplyDelete@GayXpat: I agree with you 100% that they are all about the now, the quick fix and the money. The one-time-big-time as they call it. Most of them anyways and so it really falls upon the management of the establishment to try to instill in them a different mindset. To push them to think of things in a more long term sense and by extension would 'invest' and take care of their clients.
Again as I keep telling my guys that their sob stories, true or not, feels very insincere when you tell them during a massage and would probably just irritate your client and give you a lesser tip.
Been there...done that....sure, it's so cliche, the line, but it is the truth. The story of Gayxpat, I had been through that as well. Except mine was a macho dancer in a gaybar. And true to form, it ended up exactly the same way that gayxpat said. He went back to being a dancer/commercial sex worker and I have become much wiser but not necessarily a cold heart gay guy now.
ReplyDeleteAnd that experience or at least that knowledge about these guys (whether masahistas, macho dancers, or plain callboys, boytoys/gays for pays)really do have a choice. So I agree with Tony. Of course they have a choice. One time, I was driving along Shaw Boulevard on my way to a known MP near Lourdes Hospital. At the intersection of Kalentong, during a red light stop, there was this middle aged man, literally crawling on the street by the curb, begging for alms. He was on this makeshift wagon with i don't know what wheels he used so he can push himself to beg from people and vehicles passing by. Of course, a thousand thoughts crossed my mind that moment. Bottomline to what I want to say: even that beggar is still practicing his freewill to choose. He chose not to be a victim of his physical weakness and despite it all, he chose to fight.
So when a masseur starts to tell you his sob stories and that he is living his miserable, wretched life because he has no choice but to live it? That is BS. It is his decision to be in it. He has made that choice. By the way, I suggest that you stand up, get dressed and leave pronto. You hired for his services to give you a massage, not to listen to his sob stories. Heck, who doesn't have dramas to tell in our gay lives.
love this post, fellowfab. an insider's insight, i must say, shared very well. :-) im curious about the hierarchy, though. how do those in the lower levels cope? do they feel 'unsuccessful' as therapists and leave?
ReplyDelete@cc: thanks! There are definitely more nuances than these observations as i'm pretty much drawing a very broad stroke.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the hierarchy, usually these guys react much in the same way as other people would react in the presence of bullying....
1) they leave, maybe feeling unsuccessful to a degree, but more that the environment is not for them (this is where management should step in and make sure that this does not happen. The more potential a new guy shows the more the probability of being bullied since they might actually pose as a decent competition to the top dog.)
2) they keep quiet and maintain status quo. This is mostly those that remain at the middle.
3) they ignore the taunts and the teases and try even harder to prove themselves and please the guests. The more regular guests they can get, the more the other guys will respect him or at least get off his case.
Of course some of them even how hard they try will still remain at the bottom rung of the hierarchy. In my case, when I see that the person's situation is already affecting his ego negatively, chipping away at his confidence (and in my view his sexiness). I step in and talk to the guy and tell him he that he might be better off looking for another place of employment and that this might not be the right fit for him. Sure it will hurt his ego more but he will recover more quickly rather than letting his ego fester.
@skeezzix: Agreed. Just last week an exotic dancer we hired for a bridal shower was 2 hours late, said his ride broke down. I told him I have heard that before and a little hard pressed to believe his excuse, asked him to leave without any compensation for gas or his time, and that I actually found a replacement for him an hour ago. Harsh I know, maybe jaded even... but there is really no other way to deal with people who don't know how to treat their clients well. Of course on the other end of the spectrum I do reward those who treat me well, more so now than before, since I really now know how hard it is to find these guys.
ReplyDelete*your comment for some reason was placed under spam and so I never saw it until now. sorry about that.